Jokes and riddles With Answers – Part 3

Jokes and riddles

Why did Cleopatra need a psychiatrist?
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She was the queen of De-Nile!

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
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A Hoblin Goblin.

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Jokes and riddles

Why couldn't the church steeple keep a secret?
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Because the bell always tolled.

Jokes and riddles

Did you hear about the one with a broken hearing aid?
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Neither did he!

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants?
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Purr-suasive

Jokes and riddles

What do ants put on their pizza?
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Ant-chovies

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Jokes and riddles

What did the balloon say to the pin?
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Hi, Buster.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the creators of smore's name it that?
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Because after you eat one you want some -more.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the cow want to go grazing with her friends?
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She wasn't in the moo-d.

Jokes and riddles

Why was the chicken forbidden from sending e-mails?
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Because he kept using fowl language.

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Jokes and riddles

How do monsters like their eggs?
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Terri-Fried.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the little potato cry in the bathtub?
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It got soap in its eyes.

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Jokes and riddles

What do outlaws eat with their milk?
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Crookies

Jokes and riddles

What does a male sheep do when he is angry?
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He goes on a ram-page.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a naughty turkey?
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Dinner.

Jokes and riddles

How does Yoda shave?
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With a laser-blade.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a cow that lost its calf?
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De-calf-inated.

Jokes and riddles

Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist?
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He sold his soul to santa.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a car made of pigs?
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A �ham�borgini.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the sherriff arrest the cook?
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Because he was beating the eggs.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call it when you walk into a spider web?
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Free Karate lessons.

Jokes and riddles

How did the farmer fix his jeans?
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With a cabbage patch!

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a cow with no legs?
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Ground Beef.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the man hold a shoe to his ear?
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Because he was listening to sole music.

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Jokes and riddles

Why should a doctor never be seasick?
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Because he is accustomed to see (sea) sickness.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a little bear who never takes a bath?
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Winnie-the-Phew!

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a classy fish?
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Sofishsticated.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the tomato go out with the prune?
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Because he could not find a date!

Jokes and riddles

What is a computer virus?
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A terminal illness.

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Jokes and riddles

How do you spot a modern spider?
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She has a Web Site.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call two birds that are in love?
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Tweet-hearts

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the squirrel lay only its back on the river?
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To keep its "nuts" dry.

Jokes and riddles

What's the cheapest cut of meat?
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Deer balls. They're under a buck!

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a deer with no eye?
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No idea (no eye deer).

Jokes and riddles

How do bees get to school in the morning?
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On the school buzz.

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Jokes and riddles

How do you make a hamburger smile?
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Pickle it gently.

Jokes and riddles

Why didn't Mr. Tomato win the race?
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He couldn't ketchup. (He couldn't catch up)

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Jokes and riddles

Why was the ocean arrested?
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Because it beat upon the shore.

Jokes and riddles

Why isn't the moon a good vacation destintion?
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It lacks atmosphere.

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Jokes and riddles

Why didn't the 11 year old enter the pirate movie?
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It was rated "ARR".

Jokes and riddles

How are prisoners like astronauts?
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Both are interested in outer space

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Jokes and riddles

How can you fall without getting hurt?
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If you fall in LOVE!

Jokes and riddles

Why did King Kong get into trouble at school?
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He was always monkeying around in class.

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Jokes and riddles

Where do sailors take their baths?
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In a tubmarine.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the clock get arrested?
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Because it struck twelve.

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Jokes and riddles

If you see a robbery at an Apple store, what does that make you?
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An iWitness!

Jokes and riddles

Why would it be boring to eat at a restaurant on the moon?
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Because there is no atmosphere.

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Jokes and riddles

What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
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Time to get the clock fixed

Jokes and riddles

Why did the scientist put a knocker on his door?
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Because he wanted the No-bell Prize.

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Jokes and riddles

It is said among my people that some things are improved by death. Tell me, what stinks while living, but in death, smells good?
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A Pig.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the developer go broke?
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Because he used up all his cache.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the prisoner take a shower before he broke out of jail?
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He wanted to make a clean getaway

Jokes and riddles

Why didn't Superman know he could fly?
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He didn't know his cape-abilities.

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Jokes and riddles

How do pizza pies get delivered?
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By pie-cycle.

Jokes and riddles

How do you clean a dirty tuba?
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With a tuba toothpaste!

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Jokes and riddles

Why did Silly Billy wear a helmet to bed?
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So he could crash.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call someone who steals coffee?
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A "mug".

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a man whose father was a cannon?
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A son of a gun!

Jokes and riddles

Why were the clothespins arrested?
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For holding up a pair of pants.

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Jokes and riddles

What type of music are balloons scared of?
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Pop Music!

Jokes and riddles

What do you call an iPhone that isn't kidding around?
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Dead Siri-ous.

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Jokes and riddles

Which is lighter, the sun or the earth?
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The sun, it rises every morning.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a polar bear at the beach?
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Sandy Claws!

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a girl who's more than an eight hot and less than a five crazy?
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A unicorn because they don't exist.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a person who crosses the road twice without taking a shower?
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A dirty double crosser.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the golfer change his socks?
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He had a hole-in-one.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the ghost cry?
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He had a booboo.

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Jokes and riddles

How do chickens like to dance?
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Chick to chick

Jokes and riddles

What do you call someone that steals soap?
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A dirty crook.

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Jokes and riddles

What has 18 legs and catches flies?
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A baseball team.

Jokes and riddles

What did the baby robot say to his mom?
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"I love you watts and watts."

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the pilot sit on her alarm clock?
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She wanted to be on time.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a pig that does karate?
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A Porkchop.

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Jokes and riddles

Why can't you trust the law of gravity?
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Because it will always let you down.

Jokes and riddles

What did the parrot say on the 4th of July?
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"Poly wants a firecracker!"

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a tavern of blackbirds?
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A crowbar.

Jokes and riddles

Why doesn�t Suzy�s Husband gamble anymore?
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Casinos better!

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the toilet paper roll roll down the hill?
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To get to the bottom.

Jokes and riddles

How did hikers come across a patch of poison ivy?
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The itch hiked.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a ghost without a host?
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G.

Jokes and riddles

What is the monkey's favorite month?
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Ape-bril.

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call a singing laptop?
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A Dell.

Jokes and riddles

How do you make a strawberry shake?
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Tell it a scary story!

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Jokes and riddles

What's wide at the bottom, narrow at the top, and has ears?
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A mountain with mountainears

Jokes and riddles

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
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Because, if it had four it would be a sedan.

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Jokes and riddles

How does a river flood?
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When it gets to big for its bridges.

Jokes and riddles

Who's fault will it be if California falls into the ocean?
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San Andreas fault.

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Jokes and riddles

What did Obi Wan say to Anakin during the fancy banquet?
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Use the forks.

Jokes and riddles

What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
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A neck-tarine!

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Jokes and riddles

Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
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Because they dropped out of school!

Jokes and riddles

Why did the doctor switch jobs?
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He lost his patients

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Jokes and riddles

What do you call dental X-rays?
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Tooth-Pics.

Jokes and riddles

Why did the baby strawberry cry?
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His parents were in a jam.

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Jokes and riddles

How do cowboys ride steers?
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With Steer-ing wheels.

Jokes and riddles

What do spiders eat with their dinner?
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Corn on the cobweb.

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Jokes and riddles

Who is the boss in the dairy factory?
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The big cheese.

Jokes and riddles

Why can't the toilet paper cross the road?
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Because it got stuck in the crack.

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Jokes and riddles

What type of bean is a cannibals favorite to eat ?
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A Human Being.

Jokes and riddles

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
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A stick.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the outlaw go to the river?
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He heard it had two banks.

Jokes and riddles

What do you get if a cement truck crashes into a jail?
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Hardened criminals.

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the man shoot the clock?
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He was killing time.

Jokes and riddles

Why is an old man like a window?
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Because he is full of pains (panes).

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Jokes and riddles

Why did Mama Duck scold her goslings?
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For eating quackers in bed.

Jokes and riddles

Why was Miss Cow sad?
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Her boyfriend was in a bullfight!

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the robber take a bath?
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He wanted to make a clean get away!

Jokes and riddles

Why did the sheriff arrest the chicken?
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It used fowl language

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Jokes and riddles

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
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To keep his wigwam.